Sitting outside in the sun blowing bubbles with my daughter makes me happy. Her laughter is a balm to my frustration and makes me smile uncontrollably each and every time. Her delight in simple soap bubbles - and how high they can fly! - and look Mom that one is at the top of the tree! - and that one popped on my leg! - is a sweet reminder to me to slow down, take it easy, enjoy enjoy enjoy. For soon enough something will change; this moment will be gone. Soon she will be going to school, thus beginning the inevitable pulling away that is only a matter of time now. Soon I will have to beg her to come over and just blow bubbles in the backyard with me.
She is my daily (every second) reminder to be grateful, to not take anything for granted. What would I be without this life-changing, life-saving child? It does not bear thinking about. Instead I call her Princess and SweetPea and LoveBug and hug and kiss her so much she pushes me away impatiently. Instead I twirl with her till we're so dizzy we can't stand up and push her too high on the swings because it makes her laugh at the same time that it makes me worry that she'll fall and break her neck (I know she really won't). Instead I let her surprise me over and over and over and always I show her the same astonished face (it's your Bunny! Thank you baby!) and give her more hugs and kisses until she pushes me away again.
Every second that she is mine I cherish. She is already beginning to venture away from me - wanting to do more and more things on her own. I hold my breath and bite my tongue and let her explore. I swallow the urge to protect! protect! protect! against every little thing because she needs to have her life, even at the age of almost three. As she told me at the age of just barely two - "It's my life, Mom!"
Soon enough these sunny afternoons will be nothing but a cherished memory. But for the time being they are cherished moments with the one who holds my heart in her tiny hand.
Thank you, baby girl, for making me see.
when to howl back
1 week ago