Someone said this to me a few years ago. At the time, I just smiled and nodded, thinking "What a dreamer. Who has the time or money?" I was thinking "follow your bliss" had to be something along the lines of "live each day as if it's your last" (no one would spend their last day at work or balancing their checkbook, so that little cliche is out). I negatively decided there were too many consequences and not enough time, money or talent to really delve into something that would make ME a more happy and satisfied person. I was taking a beautiful, life-changing idea and assigning monetary value to it. I was limiting myself to old and tired ideas of who I was and what I wanted out of life. I was over-thinking and too-quickly dismissing an idea that truly has the power to change a persons life for the better.
I was fooling myself into taking the easy, less happy way out. It was easier to drink, smoke and party and tell myself that I was happy because I was having fun. It was easier to connect with people on the superficial levels reached through alcohol and call those people my friends than it was to really get to know and trust them. I was too lazy, ignorant and selfish to face life head-on with no crutches or excuses.
Those "friends" are not the ones that were there for me when I was desperate for help to survive financially. They never had the guts to tell me I was screwing up - because they never really knew me, and I never really knew them. I was wasting my time. I was wasting myself by not believing in myself.
I made some decisions and changes for myself and my beautiful daughter, and am now following my bliss. I have learned so much about myself over the past year because of this decision, and feel happier, healthier and stronger than I ever have. I am doing things I never would have thought possible a year ago. I barely recognize myself sometimes - the negative, moody, sarcastic self is gone (well, most of the time) and in her place I see a confident, silly, laughing woman. I am working towards goals instead of just talking about them and setting a great example for my daughter. I still slip sometimes - everyone does - but I never give up.
Robert, thank you for telling me to follow my bliss. It took awhile to sink into this thick skull of mine, but I finally get it.
I went for a run today, striving to reach my goal of 3 miles or 30 minutes.... and failed. Again. I was going along just fine until I got attacked by vicious side-stitches! I kept chuggin' along, working through it, little-engine-that-could all the way! Until I just couldn't take it any longer and had to stop and walk after about 15 minutes - probably a mile and a half. It hurt!
This is the second time in a row that this has happened to me this week, so I have to wonder what's going on here. Am I eating/drinking too close to my run? Am I missing some important nutrient? Am I dying of some obscure running-side-stitch related disease? Am I just a wimp?
I'm inclined to think that it's food and drink too close to my run. I did have a large mug of tea today much later than I usually would.
Or maybe I'm really just a wimp.
I will bust through this plateau on Saturday.
Caitlin painted a pumpkin for us yesterday. Pictures will be up this weekend. She also asked me to sing along to the radio when we were driving to daycare yesterday. That was exciting - usually she yells "No!!" at me very vehemently when I sing in the car. So it was a nice change.
I want to be a stay at home mom. My dream right now... stay home with my girl, paint, play, read, dance, cuddle, sing, snuggle.... All the cool stuff I'm missing out on. I cram as much as I can into weekends and evenings, but oh how I wish....
Ryan is trying really hard to get his guitar company up and running, which may be our golden ticket. In the meantime.... I start school January 19, 2010!! I will be pursuing a Bachelor of Science in Nutrition. It may take me ten years but I'm determined. Thanks for the laptop to help me get started Dad! I do love a challenge....
Caitlin and I are moving once again. I'm feeling very nomadic these days.
We have been staying at Margaret's rental property in SLO for the last two months, but alas, the time has come to move on. I'm not sure yet where exactly we are going to end up, but it will be somewhere in SLO or Atascadero. Wish us luck in getting settled!
Today I am going running again for the first time in a week. I was down with a cold, but am finally over it. I look forward to getting out there and getting ready for my first 5k, which I am doing on November 21st! With the exception of that awful cold, I am feeling stronger and healthier these days than I ever have.