tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62293110394371985892024-03-19T06:02:19.341-07:00Where Once There Was Only a GirlA Woman Now Standing Where Once There Was Only a Girl
~The CureOnly A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-47333294984512078272016-07-09T20:46:00.000-07:002016-07-11T19:24:05.119-07:00WildA nomad trapped within walls, a wild thing held captive by the purest kind of love, too afraid to leave.<br />
<br />
I feel frozen, trapped in time by my responsibilities and obligations, by my feeling of "I should." Even my love (that sweet gift) feels like it's holding me back from the kind of life I really want to be living. So overwhelmed with "should" that I am frozen with indecision and I don't even know what kind of life that might be. Not even able to envision how I might decorate a room, or spend an idle hour or an idle week, unable to grasp the simplicity and quiet that I crave. <br />
<br />
Always on, always performing. Lacking direction, lacking focus, lacking motivation. Unsure of what to do, instead just getting things done, checking off my list until my joys become line items. Daily spin and grind chasing what?<br />
<br />
The indecision is painful, mental murkiness, emotional mud. I seek clarity and peace, sureness of step and sweetness of breath. I am mired in uncertainty.<br />
<br />
Where am I?<br />
<br />
***first world problems for sure***Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-56468261355819646372016-05-14T11:10:00.000-07:002016-05-14T11:10:15.167-07:00Blank My mind is blank<br />
My eyes are tired<br />
My shoulders are slumped<br />
Sitting at this table pen in hand<br />
Wanting to write but nothing is coming<br />
Blank<br />
Lines are begging to be filled in<br />
Screaming crying laughing chanting<br />
Out loud for words to fill their<br />
Vacancies<br />
In vain<br />
Only trite worn out phrases come to mind<br />
Considered, dismissed<br />
Moving on<br />
A precipice that I want to plunge from<br />
But find that I can't<br />
<br />
Push meOnly A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-77472965063933699052016-04-18T19:40:00.002-07:002016-04-18T19:40:52.285-07:00Remember ThisI just sat on the couch and did nothing but hold my daughter and listen to music for half an hour. <br />
<br />
I needed that. We both did. <br />
<br />
<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-42962134043427416452016-03-30T11:58:00.002-07:002016-03-30T12:03:27.892-07:00Nature and Mental WellnessI just went for a 20 minute walk and it was wonderful. It's a beautiful day outside - the sun is shining, the weather is mild and the air is sweet, flowers are blooming, and it felt good just to be outside and moving. <br />
<br />
I forget sometimes just how good being outside can be for a person's mental health. I forget sometimes how good physical exercise is for a person's mental health. <br />
<br />
Recently I took a break from my three times a week running habit. I figured doing yoga and lifting weights at home would be good enough for awhile, and I would use the time to hang out with my daughter instead. It was a good idea for a couple of weeks, because Caitlin and I went hiking a few times, which was great. But then we got busy, and hiking stopped happening. Consequently, I wasn't getting outside almost at all - and I felt a huge difference in my mood and attitude. Both plummeted extremely quickly. I felt short-tempered, irritated by everything, and extremely short on patience. There was absolutely no go-with-the-flow for a couple of weeks. I behaved in ways that I am now embarrassed by - to complete strangers and to people that are dear to me. Hence my last post about feeling stressed and out-of-balance.<br />
<br />
I started running again last week - a total of one single mile last week, and so far only 2.25 miles this week - but that combined with the daily walk I am now taking on my morning break at work has caused an amazing turnaround in my mood, attitude and behavior. I feel more calm, less scattered and overwhelmed, less overworked, more able to handle everyday stressors, and more accepting of things that just a week ago seemed completely unacceptable to me. The change has been, simply put, astounding. The fact that such a small and simple change can have such a huge impact on my life is just amazing to me. <br />
<br />
Being outside is healing, a balm to the soul and an antidote to the stress of daily life. It causes an uplift in mood, an increase in the ability to focus, and higher levels of general happiness among other things. Our connection to the natural world around us - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - is undeniable. <br />
<br />
I am glad to be back in the land of the living - from now on I will remember how important it is to get my daily dose of Mother Nature. <br />
<br />
Happy Wednesday - I hope you get to play outside today!<br />
<br />
And now here's a pretty picture for your viewing pleasure. <br />
<br />
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<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-33570292702582205372016-03-28T09:56:00.000-07:002016-03-28T10:26:26.401-07:00Burn Out, Guilt, and BalanceTired and guilty....<br />
<br />
I feel burned out while also feeling guilty for feeling burned out. Between work, kids, house, meals, groceries, laundry, husband, social life.... I feel like I don't have a minute to myself and I'm always at least a little bit tired. But I know that that is how everyone is feeling, and I feel guilty for thinking I'm any different. I feel guilty for not accepting this burned-out feeling. I don't like it. I don't like constantly being on the go, constantly having more to do than time to do it in. I feel guilty for not being able to handle such a busy life (which compared to some people is not really that busy, but comparison is the devil). I feel like I should be able to "do it all" with grace, humor, and patience, but I can't. I don't know why. I know that this is what our American society expects of me, and I know some people thrive on being busy, but I don't, and I have to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with that. <br />
<br />
I am craving simplicity.<br />
<br />
I thrive on balance, and I feel like things are way out of balance right now.<br />
<br />
My husband works constantly - he hardly takes any time off. But he also is almost completely autonomous - he can do just about whatever he wants whenever he wants (I am actually the one that makes that possible), while I am bound by working around his schedule, what my boss needs and what the kids need. I feel like that makes a big difference. He doesn't seem to have any problems with his work schedule and his sense of balance. I wonder if I were only taking care of myself, would I feel this stretched thin? Probably not. <br />
<br />
So I'm burned out, I need a vacation, I need some time to myself on a more regular basis, and I feel guilty for all of it. I need to reorganize my thought patterns and let go of this guilt somehow. Taking care of myself - taking TIME for myself - is not something to feel guilty about. This is the only life I get, I should be living it in a way that doesn't constantly deplete my resources. <br />
<br />
A vacation by myself at this point is out of the question. So what do I do?<br />
<br />
I know I need more exercise, more sleep, more yoga, more creativity, more time at the beach, but I don't know how to fit all that into my already packed schedule. Something's got to give.<br />
<br />
I feel like there has to be a way to feel more balanced, more rested and more at ease while still accomplishing everything I need to accomplish, but I haven't figured out how to do it. It just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done and still give my time to my dear ones that need it. <br />
<br />
Balance is the key that is missing. The guilty feeling is useless and has got to go.<br />
<br />
Happy Monday - here's to not overworking and under-playing!Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-11846437199937214452016-02-26T16:11:00.002-08:002016-03-30T12:03:54.361-07:00Slow It DownI am moving slowly today. <br />
<br />
I'm moving slowly all the time recently. I'm enjoying this immensely. I've had enough of rushing, enough of hurrying, enough of getting something done just to immediately get something else done. I've had enough of working more than I relax. Where's the fun in that? So what if the dishes don't get done or the floor goes un-vacuumed. Big deal if the laundry doesn't quite get put away (bonus points if it even makes it out of the dryer). It doesn't matter if every item on my to-do list gets done if life is passing me by while I'm busy. I'm tired of being busy. I am consciously choosing to un-busy myself.<br />
<br />
Sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Hiking with friends and my kids. Soaking up the sunshine at the beach. Reading all cozied up in my fabulous bed. Enjoying leisurely yoga with no concern for a timeframe. Walking slooooowly to the park. Swinging high in the sky with my face tipped toward the sun. Meditation and self-reflection. Writing. Listening to music with the lights dimmed and my eyes closed. More bonus points for candles burning. Games with my daughter, who is growing up faster than I ever imagined possible. (Everyone tells you it goes by in the blink of an eye. This is true. It also seems like it will never end.) Long conversations with my husband in front of the fire. Taking naps. Drinking wine. Eating good food. Being outside as much as possible.<br />
<br />
These are the things I'm doing instead. Life is much sweeter this way.<br />
<br />
Happiness is a blank calendar page and the day stretching out before me.<br />
<br />
No more over-scheduled life. No more have-to's. No more should's. All that is over. I refuse to feel guilty for not being constantly productive. I don't want to spend my life constantly working, whether it's work outside the home or within my home. It's time to relax. <br />
<br />
Happy Friday! Go play outside!<br />
<br />
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<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-39078430480246688152016-02-25T16:21:00.000-08:002016-03-30T12:04:15.020-07:00Bedtime Songs I love listening to Ryan singing bedtime songs to Caitlin with her giggles accompanying him. Then, once he's done singing, she goes to bed, he closes the door – and the next thing you hear is heavy metal from behind his closed door. Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-50711091957655510222015-09-23T11:01:00.001-07:002015-09-23T11:01:10.252-07:00Some Photos<div class="separator" style="border: currentColor; clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Concentration at its finest.</div>
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Look at this handsome guy.</div>
Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-69320124544538696832015-09-23T10:58:00.004-07:002015-09-23T10:58:48.475-07:00A Letter to my DaughterMy Sweet Girl,<br />
<br />
Just a few things I have learned over the years that I want to share with you.<br />
<br />
<br />
Start saving money as soon as you start earning it (I wish I had).<br />
<br />
Love as much as you can. Show your love whenever you can. <br />
<br />
Learn to forgive people, including yourself.<br />
<br />
Learn to let go of old hurts. <br />
<br />
Listen more than you talk.<br />
<br />
Don't gossip.<br />
<br />
Love. Love. Love.<br />
<br />
Give everyone a chance.<br />
<br />
Do not judge. You never know what someone else may be going through.<br />
<br />
Do not let people mistreat you. Stand up for yourself. <br />
<br />
Remember that you teach people how to treat you by how you allow them to treat you.<br />
<br />
Never take anyone for granted, least of all yourself. <br />
<br />
Don't forget to enjoy the small moments in life.<br />
<br />
Unplug. Live in the moment.<br />
<br />
Go outside whenever you can. <br />
<br />
Practice compassion and gratitude every chance you get. <br />
<br />
Simplify. <br />
<br />
Take care of your body. Your health is irreplaceable.<br />
<br />
Don't smoke.<br />
<br />
Appreciate what you have, don't dwell on what you think you don't have.<br />
<br />
Love yourself. No one else is quite like you.<br />
<br />
I love you more than words could ever express. I hope that your life will continue to be full of joy, new experiences, good people, and love.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Mom<br />
<br />
Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-65375288568635629532015-09-23T10:36:00.003-07:002015-09-24T11:14:28.530-07:00The Good LifeI'm livin' it.<br />
<br />
I feel so much gratitude these days, so much happiness that sometimes it's overwhelming. We live in a beautiful area in a great condo that we can actually afford, I like my job, Ryan likes his job, Esoterik Guitars is going well, Ryan and I have learned how to be beyond good to each other, things with my stepson are the best they've been since he was little (he's now 13), and things with his mother are finally peaceful. We eat extremely well, we are financially comfortable, and we have an amazing group of family and friends that are there for us whenever we need them. We are so, so lucky. <br />
<br />
.... and then there's Caitlin.<br />
<br />
Caitlin just amazes me every single day. She's so sweet and kind, so charming and generous and smart. She's so open to learning new things and considering ideas that challenge what she thinks is true. She continues to teach me how to be a better human being every single day. <br />
<br />
I haven't been writing things down as much lately, so I'm going to do a little recap of some things that have been happening. <br />
<br />
She is eight years old and in the third grade. She is an excellent student and really enjoys school. She says her third grade teacher (Mrs. Williams) and her second grade teacher (Miss Ward) are both so amazing that they are tied for first place as her favorites. When given the option to play hooky and stay home with me on occasion, she chooses to go to school. Mrs. Williams is the same teacher that Gavin had in third grade - she still has a thank you note that he wrote to her pinned up in her classroom. <br />
<br />
Last night Caitlin decided that when she left Hamburger Town (where she lived before she was born) to come live on Earth with us, she got here through a hole in the space-time continuum. Wow! <br />
<br />
Her current nicknames are Rollerblades, Blader-rolls, Sunshine Bear, Sweet Girl, Cait Cait Lo Bait, and Angel Pie. She calls her dad Ah-Da-Doo and me Ah-Ma-Moo. No idea why, but it's really cute. <br />
<br />
She informed me yesterday that her style is changing from liking pink and purple clothes to a more "sporty" style with a little bit of rocker style thrown in (I approve!). <br />
<br />
Her best friend is Annamae, and they are both thinking about switching to Teach Elementary next year for the more challenging work. <br />
<br />
She loves to read to the point that she just bought herself a book light (blue, with an owl-shaped clip) so that she can read at night while her brother is asleep, and we frequently have to tell her to "put the book down." She likes to read while she eats.<br />
<br />
Her current career goals include: Neuroscientist, botanist, artist, marine biologist, and entomologist. <br />
<br />
She still likes playing with Barbies, but Hello Kitty is out, Tinkerbell is out, My Little Pony is out. She likes to play Minion Rush on the iPad, and still likes to do art and play board games. She and her friends like to make up "stations" (which I think consist of different games or toys at each one) and spend a little bit of time at each one.<br />
<br />
Her favorite colors are currently black, blue and purple I think.<br />
<br />
She is obsessed with hair chalk, and picks out her outfits each day very carefully. She loves to wear skirts.<br />
<br />
I'm sure there's more I could include, but that'll all I can think of for now.<br />
<br />
Life is so good. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.<br />
<br />
I am a lucky, lucky girl. <br />
<br />
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<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-19879287739256953352015-08-24T16:46:00.003-07:002015-09-23T10:37:19.248-07:00Living With IntentionI have lately been thinking about how often I simply <u>react</u> to things without thought. The end result more often than not is negative, not positive. I am trying (when I remember) to behave more proactively, to live with intention. <br />
<br />
I've also noticed that I have a tendency to mentally remove myself from situations and view them as an observer (usually a snarky, cynical observer) rather than actually being in the moment and experiencing my life. I have started the practice of saying to myself "This Moment" to bring myself back, to remind myself to pay attention and not get distracted, to not insulate myself in the safety of not really being there. It is safe, to not really participate. I'm less likely to be vulnerable that way, less likely to get hurt, less likely to embarrass myself with visible emotion. I can act on autopilot.<br />
<br />
I've become lazy about living my life.<br />
<br />
I've become afraid to be fully present and engaged.<br />
<br />
But that's not how I actually want to live.<br />
<br />
I've also noticed a habit I have picked up of seeing people through a lens of cynicism, especially my husband. I've developed a tendency to assume that I know what people's motives are, and have tailored my responses around that assumption, rather than on what is actually happening or being said. This is disastrous. Who am I to say that I know what someone else's motives are? Who am I to impose my own opinion of who <em>I think</em> they are, or what<em> I</em> <em>think </em>they mean, rather than simply noticing and appreciating the complex, interesting, and unique individual in front of me? I'm not inside their head - the assumptions and the instant reactions to the assumptions have got to go. <br />
<br />
I have been actively making an effort to strip away the years of mental conditioning that I have built up, and to see people with fresh eyes - a brand new perspective versus my same-old same-old point of view. It's pretty exhilarating. I highly recommend taking your point of view and making it go all topsy-turvy. <br />
<br />
One frequent result of my old behaviors (which of course still exist - I am a work in progress, as we all are) was angry, frustrated reactions to things or situations that didn't really warrant anger or frustration. Unfortunately, anger and frustration all too often translate into a raised voice or a nasty tone, both of which I would prefer to eliminate from my life. <br />
<br />
I read a blog post today that had an excellent idea for what to do once I've started down the road of negativity - telling myself to "Come Back." I don't have to continue down the road just because I started down it. I can stop and come back to where I was before. <br />
<br />
Two phrases I am now incorporating into my life in an effort to be a human being that will be "remembered for my smile, not my scowl," a person who is "a safe haven, not someone to avoid" are "This Moment" and "Come Back." <br />
<br />
Here is the blog post by Rachel Macy Stafford that inspired my own:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://creativewithkids.com/two-words-that-can-bring-you-back-to-peaceful-territory/">http://creativewithkids.com/two-words-that-can-bring-you-back-to-peaceful-territory/</a><br />
<br />
<h3>
<strong>Come back.</strong></h3>
"Come back.<br />
Forgive yourself.<br />
Forgive the one who wronged you.<br />
Decide this isn’t over.<br />
Decide you’ve only just begun.<br />
Lower the bar. It’s good enough for the people who love you.<br />
Scale back. Surrender the pressure to “do it all.”<br />
Take ten minutes to do something you love.<br />
Take an old hand or a young hand in yours. See loving memories and future possibilities in their palms.<br />
Whisper: “Let it be. Let it be.”<br />
Declare: “I cannot control, so let me release.”<br />
Turn up a good song.<br />
Call up a good friend.<br />
Hug the person nearest you.<br />
Hug the person farthest out of reach.<br />
Put something of value in someone’s empty cup.<br />
Put something of value in your own cup.<br />
Walk outside and spot something beautiful.<br />
Dig inside and find something beautiful you thought was gone."<br />
<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-52230147455113923422014-03-21T11:47:00.004-07:002015-09-23T10:38:37.606-07:00For My Daughter, by Sarah McMane<h3>
<strong>For My Daughter</strong></h3>
<strong>By Sarah McMane</strong><br />
<br />
<em>“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.”</em> – Clementine Paddleford<br />
<br />
Never play the princess when you can<br />
be the queen:<br />
rule the kingdom, swing a scepter,<br />
wear a crown of gold.<br />
Don’t dance in glass slippers,<br />
crystal carving up your toes --<br />
be a barefoot Amazon instead,<br />
for those shoes will surely shatter on your feet.<br />
Never wear only pink<br />
when you can strut in crimson red,<br />
sweat in heather grey, and<br />
shimmer in sky blue,<br />
claim the golden sun upon your hair.<br />
Colors are for everyone,<br />
boys and girls, men and women --<br />
be a verdant garden, the landscape of Versailles,<br />
not a pale primrose blindly pushed aside.<br />
Chase green dragons and one-eyed zombies,<br />
fierce and fiery toothy monsters,<br />
not merely lazy butterflies,<br />
sweet and slow on summer days.<br />
For you can tame the most brutish beasts<br />
with your wily wits and charm,<br />
and lizard scales feel just as smooth<br />
as gossamer insect wings.<br />
Tramp muddy through the house in<br />
a purple tutu and cowboy boots.<br />
Have a tea party in your overalls.<br />
Build a fort of birch branches,<br />
a zoo of Legos, a rocketship of<br />
Queen Anne chairs and coverlets,<br />
first stop on the moon.<br />
Dream of dinosaurs and baby dolls,<br />
bold brontosaurus and bookish Belle,<br />
not Barbie on the runway or<br />
Disney damsels in distress --<br />
you are much too strong to play<br />
the simpering waif.<br />
Don a baseball cap, dance with Daddy,<br />
paint your toenails, climb a cottonwood.<br />
Learn to speak with both your mind and heart.<br />
For the ground beneath will hold you, dear --<br />
know that you are free.<br />
And never grow a wishbone, daughter,<br />
where your backbone ought to be.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-5525283265851842832013-11-10T08:16:00.001-08:002013-11-10T08:17:21.785-08:00Mommy Daughter Night<span style="font-size: small;">Last night Caitlin and I had a Mommy-Daughter Night. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I put my phone away. I turned off the computer and the TV. It felt weird to be so in the moment with no electronic distractions. To me, that is something of a wake up call about my dependence on technology. I have been slowly reducing my use of it, but the habit ("need") is still strong. I will change this. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">We started with a game of Battleship, which I won by a narrow margin (I'm pretty sure she peeked at my side, the little stinker)</span>. <br />
<br />
After Battleship, we busted out some art supplies and got to work. I used crayons to color a picture of a giant crescent moon (with a very happy face, of course) in the night sky next to a unicorn. I made her horn, mane and tail multicolored, and the moon blue. Caitlin made a book with four pages: the title page (I Love You, by Caitlin), I love my mommy, I love my daddy, and I love Gavin. Illustrated, of course. We listened to Pink Floyd "Animals" while we did our art. I had forgotten the simple joy of doing something artistic and completely unstructured while listening to music. It was freeing. I imagined I could feel my brain cells moving in completely different ways than usual. I loved it.<br />
<br />
Then we played a game with these new, tiny little figures that she had picked up that day with Nana. I don't know what they are called, but they came in tiny little balls. Caitlin lined up the figures on the edge of a book, set another book in front of them as a "stage", and put on a show for them that consisted of bouncing the empty balls around on the stage. One minute of our time equaled an hour for the tiny people and animals.<br />
<br />
We then watched Kronk's New Groove, had popcorn and pumpkin bars, and snuggled on the couch. After brushing our teeth, we snuggled in my bed, read a story (Bad Kitty and Poor Puppy), and went to sleep. Not the best night of sleep I've ever had (she is a restless sleeper!), but it was nice to wake up with my little girl snuggled up next to me. Daddy was kind enough to switch beds with her so that we could have our sleepover.<br />
<br />
Once again, this amazing girl has opened my eyes to wonderful things I completely miss when left to my own devices. She inspired me and reminded me of the beauty inherent in the simple things. I am grateful to have such an amazing tiny teacher.<br />
<br />
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<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-3111646047321117102013-09-30T17:10:00.002-07:002013-11-10T08:19:02.215-08:00Bike RidingCaitlin learned how to ride her two-wheeler today without the training wheels!! I was the one that taught her - not her dad - which I'm pretty excited about. I'm proud of both of us!<br />
<br />
Looking forward to some bike rides with my cutie pie six year old!<br />
<br />
<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-23597123500433757762013-01-06T10:17:00.001-08:002013-01-06T10:18:15.728-08:00A New Adventure<span style="font-size: large;">I am beginning my new adventure as a full time stay-at-home-mom/student.... I am officially no longer employed (don't worry Mom- I checked with the manager and she told me I can come back whenever I need or want). All I can say so far is..... this is AWESOME!!!! Granted, I go back to school full time on the 22nd, so things will change a bit then, but right now I have so much free time! My house is so clean! I'm having so much fun with the kids! I don't feel like I have to rush all the time!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I have started on my list of projects; the first two items on the list are to get my photo albums up to date (could it be that I am a year behind??) and finish Caity's quilt. I am catching up on sleep, and have noticed a huge improvement in my mood and general demeanor. I am making plans to actually hang out with friends again, and spending time just sitting and reading<span style="font-size: large;"> (wha<span style="font-size: large;">t a luxury!)</span></span></span>.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Ryan is also much happier these days. Esoterik Guitars is now his only job, and while he is working long hours,<span style="font-size: large;"> he is<span style="font-size: large;"> enjoying every m<span style="font-size: large;">inute of it. Being able to focus on his business an<span style="font-size: large;">d having me supporting hi<span style="font-size: large;">m at home has really reduced his stress level<span style="font-size: large;"> a<span style="font-size: large;">nd increased his happiness. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">So right now, life is really good. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: large;">I have also changed my major at school from Nutrit<span style="font-size: large;">ion to Psychology with a focus on Marriage and Family Counseling. I <span style="font-size: large;">still plan to study Nutri<span style="font-size: large;">tion th<span style="font-size: large;">roughout my life, but my <span style="font-size: large;">Bach<span style="font-size: large;">elor's and Master's degrees will b<span style="font-size: large;">e</span> in Psy<span style="font-size: large;">chology<span style="font-size: large;">. <span style="font-size: large;">By the end of this year, I will have a Certificate of Specialization in Nutrition, so <span style="font-size: large;">if I want to work in the fi<span style="font-size: large;">eld I can, as well as an AA in F<span style="font-size: large;">amily S<span style="font-size: large;">tudies. My goal is to transfer to Cal Poly i<span style="font-size: large;">n Janu<span style="font-size: large;">ary 201<span style="font-size: large;">4 a<span style="font-size: large;">s a Junior, finish my Bachelors degree in two years, and my Masters two years after that. Here's hoping we can afford it! <span style="font-size: large;">With the t<span style="font-size: large;">hree degre<span style="font-size: large;">es, the certificate, and my on<span style="font-size: large;">going studies in nutrition, I <span style="font-size: large;">will b<span style="font-size: large;">e able to combine all these areas of stu<span style="font-size: large;">dy if I decide to pur<span style="font-size: large;">s<span style="font-size: large;">ue my original plan of working with people with eating disorders. I am very<span style="font-size: large;">, very excited to con<span style="font-size: large;">tinue s<span style="font-size: large;">chool in th<span style="font-size: large;">is new direction.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2013 is shaping up to be a fantastic year<span style="font-size: large;">!</span></span><br />
<br />
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Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-29700471216560310722012-11-26T17:02:00.001-08:002012-11-26T17:02:30.827-08:00The Tooth Fairy Is Coming BackCaitlin has lost her second tooth.... the bottom right one came out the day before Thanksgiving. Her grown-up teeth look HUGE!!Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-46703415691787533462012-11-19T21:03:00.000-08:002012-11-19T21:25:23.576-08:00Dreams and SuchEvery night that I'm home to put Caitlin to bed we decide what we're going to dream about that night. We've met up at the beach and gotten ice cream, we've gone flying (sans airplane) to Paris where we could eat any food we wanted and it would be healthy for us, and gone diving to the bottom of the ocean like mermaids.<br />
<br />
Tonight she said we were going to go to a rainbow and find the pot of gold at the end.... and give the gold to poor people so they wouldn't be poor anymore. I am madly in love with this child. <br />
<br />
We have this thing we do right now where one of us will squeeze the other ones hand three times saying "snuggle snuggle snuggle", and the other will do it back. Our hands are snuggling.<br />
<br />
I love how such little things can create such big happiness.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-54614037201245661392012-09-11T09:07:00.001-07:002012-09-11T09:13:11.760-07:00Birthday & StuffMy daughter turned five this past weekend. She also started kindergarten two weeks ago. It feels like she is officially no longer a baby. She's still <i>my </i>baby of course, just not <i>a</i> baby.<br />
<br />
I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to feel about anything these days, actually. My feelings are muddled, unclear and unclean. I need to think, to breathe, to get away and reconnect. I need a clean slate and a clean house. I need less to do and more freedom. I need someone to take care of <i>me </i>for a change. I need less work and more joy. I need space to breathe and to not be told what I should be doing or feeling or saying or not saying. I need my husband to care about something other than his business and himself. I need my stepsons mom to stop being such an unappreciative crazy bitch. I need to not be a stepparent anymore. I need to be able to not feel bad about things that are beyond my control. I need my knee to not hurt when I run so that I can try to hold on to at least a little bit of sanity. <br />
<br />
The truth is, I don't know what I need. Just something. Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-40363388648155001332012-07-23T21:10:00.000-07:002015-09-23T10:39:08.158-07:00Bring on the learnin'As of this week, Caitlin officially knows how to read and write. <br />
<br />
Kindergarten starts in about two months, and I think she is well prepared. I, on the other hand, am completely freaked out by the notion of trusting her to strangers for half of every day. Sigh.....guess I'll make sure to be very involved and grit my teeth and let her venture out - no matter how scared I may be. She's very excited and not at all scared, so I will follow her lead.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-53138162648495777702012-03-29T23:54:00.002-07:002012-03-29T23:56:01.904-07:00A Little Bit of GratitudeI am so very fortunate to live in this beautiful place where I can grow vegetables in my backyard with very little effort and take my sweet girl to the park. We play on the swings and the play structure, she’s getting better and better at climbing the “rock wall” and playing hopscotch, and she can ride her scooter now without any assistance from me. The weather today was so mild and pretty; it was refreshing and renewing to spend some time outside with my favorite girl.<br />
<br />
I’ve got some spinach, strawberries, snap peas, rosemary, parsley, thyme, a cactus, and some flowers growing out back right now. Soon I’ll be planting tomatoes as well. I can’t wait! I love when she comes running in the house saying “Hey Mom do you think that strawberry’s ready yet? Can I EAT IT??!!” and when she begs me give her leaves off the spinach plant.<br />
<br />
I am fortunate to have a job, even if it’s a low-paying, low-status job – it’s also a very low-responsibility and low-stress job that allows me to stay home with my kids during the day. I get to do all the fun daytime stuff -hiking, going to the beach, reading stories, making cookies, playing games, snuggling…. and I get to make dinner for my family almost every night.<br />
<br />
I am so happy to come home from said job and have delicious cookies (snickerdoodles this time) to nibble on – made even better because while I have a cookie, I also get to remember how much fun it was to make them with my little one. She did most of the pouring and mixing, and shaped at least half of the cookies in her cute little hands. They are delicious!<br />
<br />
Life may be challenging and tough at times, but… today was a good day. Tomorrow I get to have another one.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-61191838457814585292012-02-17T13:49:00.000-08:002015-09-23T10:40:47.883-07:00LunchFresh whole wheat fettuccine and shredded rotisserie chicken drizzled with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, a pinch of sea salt, topped with purple grapes. <br />
<br />
WOW. <br />
<br />
Delicious.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-27209994856726636272012-01-29T09:18:00.000-08:002012-01-29T09:18:56.217-08:00Retirement?Wow I haven't posted in three months. Hmmm. I don't feel like there is anything to say other than the usual kids are good, business is good, school is good same ol' same ol' stuff. I think it might be time to retire this blog.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-29236393330655990022011-10-31T21:46:00.000-07:002011-10-31T21:46:21.343-07:00Story TimeCaitlin told us this story at dinner tonight.<br />
<br />
Before she was born, she lived in Hamburger Town, where she was a baby boy with red hair like a watermelon, and was 40 feet tall. She made robot oranges and sold them. The robot oranges made time machines. The robot oranges were actually alien robot oranges and their heads were as big as mine. Everyone called her Tubeyhead. She made macaroni necklaces for her grandmas for her hobby, and she traveled on the time machines. Her friends' names were Joe, Mike, Lightbulb, Heart, I Can Change the World, and Flower Eyes. <br />
<br />
The End. <br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
We just got back from trick-or-treating, which was nice and uneventful. The kids got lots of candy and a good time was had by all. <br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXVKousS5iZXwly1bGvyZWgY-renRk_Vm2UD0NWEkphMAiKTEZEaY0-2nzaTfnDuCCcSQjMT2KXdW4pFmDj7dnMgh278bbprPSTeyH523OQRgb-9dRUDkoefYmEzKztzeozFSddk_sRQr/s1600/DSCN1710.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXVKousS5iZXwly1bGvyZWgY-renRk_Vm2UD0NWEkphMAiKTEZEaY0-2nzaTfnDuCCcSQjMT2KXdW4pFmDj7dnMgh278bbprPSTeyH523OQRgb-9dRUDkoefYmEzKztzeozFSddk_sRQr/s320/DSCN1710.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-85295727790315095202011-10-22T10:45:00.000-07:002011-10-22T10:45:07.368-07:00CarnivalLast night we went to Gavin's school carnival and had a great time. The kids played golf, fishing, spin the wheel, a bunch of other games, and went through a haunted house. They collected a bunch of cheap little toys that they LOVE. It reminded me a lot of the carnivals I used to go to at church when I was a kid. I got them cotton candy - Caitlin's first time ever tasting it! We all had a great time.<br />
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Also, I was able to run five and a half miles with NO knee pain at all. I think I may have found the solution to my knee problems. I hope I'm not jinxing myself.....Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6229311039437198589.post-69482399426637423112011-10-20T00:48:00.001-07:002011-10-20T00:48:49.693-07:00New NicknamesCaitlin's new nicknames are SnackPack and Shark Week.Only A Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00025502493851535634noreply@blogger.com0