Every night that I'm home to put Caitlin to bed we decide what we're going to dream about that night. We've met up at the beach and gotten ice cream, we've gone flying (sans airplane) to Paris where we could eat any food we wanted and it would be healthy for us, and gone diving to the bottom of the ocean like mermaids.
Tonight she said we were going to go to a rainbow and find the pot of gold at the end.... and give the gold to poor people so they wouldn't be poor anymore. I am madly in love with this child.
We have this thing we do right now where one of us will squeeze the other ones hand three times saying "snuggle snuggle snuggle", and the other will do it back. Our hands are snuggling.
I love how such little things can create such big happiness.
My daughter turned five this past weekend. She also started kindergarten two weeks ago. It feels like she is officially no longer a baby. She's still my baby of course, just not a baby.
I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to feel about anything these days, actually. My feelings are muddled, unclear and unclean. I need to think, to breathe, to get away and reconnect. I need a clean slate and a clean house. I need less to do and more freedom. I need someone to take care of me for a change. I need less work and more joy. I need space to breathe and to not be told what I should be doing or feeling or saying or not saying. I need my husband to care about something other than his business and himself. I need my stepsons mom to stop being such an unappreciative crazy bitch. I need to not be a stepparent anymore. I need to be able to not feel bad about things that are beyond my control. I need my knee to not hurt when I run so that I can try to hold on to at least a little bit of sanity.
The truth is, I don't know what I need. Just something.
As of this week, Caitlin officially knows how to read and write.
Kindergarten starts in about two months, and I think she is well prepared. I, on the other hand, am completely freaked out by the notion of trusting her to strangers for half of every day. Sigh.....guess I'll make sure to be very involved and grit my teeth and let her venture out - no matter how scared I may be. She's very excited and not at all scared, so I will follow her lead.
I am so very fortunate to live in this beautiful place where I can grow vegetables in my backyard with very little effort and take my sweet girl to the park. We play on the swings and the play structure, she’s getting better and better at climbing the “rock wall” and playing hopscotch, and she can ride her scooter now without any assistance from me. The weather today was so mild and pretty; it was refreshing and renewing to spend some time outside with my favorite girl.
I’ve got some spinach, strawberries, snap peas, rosemary, parsley, thyme, a cactus, and some flowers growing out back right now. Soon I’ll be planting tomatoes as well. I can’t wait! I love when she comes running in the house saying “Hey Mom do you think that strawberry’s ready yet? Can I EAT IT??!!” and when she begs me give her leaves off the spinach plant.
I am fortunate to have a job, even if it’s a low-paying, low-status job – it’s also a very low-responsibility and low-stress job that allows me to stay home with my kids during the day. I get to do all the fun daytime stuff -hiking, going to the beach, reading stories, making cookies, playing games, snuggling…. and I get to make dinner for my family almost every night.
I am so happy to come home from said job and have delicious cookies (snickerdoodles this time) to nibble on – made even better because while I have a cookie, I also get to remember how much fun it was to make them with my little one. She did most of the pouring and mixing, and shaped at least half of the cookies in her cute little hands. They are delicious!
Life may be challenging and tough at times, but… today was a good day. Tomorrow I get to have another one.
Wow I haven't posted in three months. Hmmm. I don't feel like there is anything to say other than the usual kids are good, business is good, school is good same ol' same ol' stuff. I think it might be time to retire this blog.