Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Birthday & Stuff

My daughter turned five this past weekend.  She also started kindergarten two weeks ago.  It feels like she is officially no longer a baby.  She's still my baby of course, just not a baby.

I don't know how to feel.  I don't know how to feel about anything these days, actually.  My feelings are muddled, unclear and unclean.  I need to think, to breathe, to get away and reconnect.  I need a clean slate and a clean house.  I need less to do and more freedom.  I need someone to take care of me for a change.  I need less work and more joy.  I need space to breathe and to not be told what I should be doing or feeling or saying or not saying.  I need my husband to care about something other than his business and himself.  I need my stepsons mom to stop being such an unappreciative crazy bitch.  I need to not be a stepparent anymore.  I need to be able to not feel bad about things that are beyond my control. I need my knee to not hurt when I run so that I can try to hold on to at least a little bit of sanity. 

The truth is, I don't know what I need.  Just something. 

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