A nomad trapped within walls, a wild thing held captive by the purest kind of love, too afraid to leave.
I feel frozen, trapped in time by my responsibilities and obligations, by my feeling of "I should." Even my love (that sweet gift) feels like it's holding me back from the kind of life I really want to be living. So overwhelmed with "should" that I am frozen with indecision and I don't even know what kind of life that might be. Not even able to envision how I might decorate a room, or spend an idle hour or an idle week, unable to grasp the simplicity and quiet that I crave.
Always on, always performing. Lacking direction, lacking focus, lacking motivation. Unsure of what to do, instead just getting things done, checking off my list until my joys become line items. Daily spin and grind chasing what?
The indecision is painful, mental murkiness, emotional mud. I seek clarity and peace, sureness of step and sweetness of breath. I am mired in uncertainty.
Where am I?
***first world problems for sure***
Afraid of Sleeping
6 days ago