Wild

A nomad trapped within walls, a wild thing held captive by the purest kind of love, too afraid to leave.

I feel frozen, trapped in time by my responsibilities and obligations, by my feeling of "I should." Even my love (that sweet gift) feels like it's holding me back from the kind of life I really want to be living.  So overwhelmed with "should" that I am frozen with indecision and I don't even know what kind of life that might be.  Not even able to envision how I might decorate a room, or spend an idle hour or an idle week, unable to grasp the simplicity and quiet that I crave.

Always on, always performing. Lacking direction, lacking focus, lacking motivation. Unsure of what to do, instead just getting things done, checking off my list until my joys become line items. Daily spin and grind chasing what?

The indecision is painful, mental murkiness, emotional mud. I seek clarity and peace, sureness of step and sweetness of breath.  I am mired in uncertainty.

Where am I?

***first world problems for sure***

Blank

My mind is blank
My eyes are tired
My shoulders are slumped
Sitting at this table pen in hand
Wanting to write but nothing is coming
Blank
Lines are begging to be filled in
Screaming crying laughing chanting
Out loud for words to fill their
Vacancies
In vain
Only trite worn out phrases come to mind
Considered, dismissed
Moving on
A precipice that I want to plunge from
But find that I can't

Push me

Nature and Mental Wellness

I just went for a 20 minute walk and it was wonderful. It's a beautiful day outside - the sun is shining, the weather is mild and the air is sweet, flowers are blooming, and it felt good just to be outside and moving.

I forget sometimes just how good being outside can be for a person's mental health. I forget sometimes how good physical exercise is for a person's mental health.

Recently I took a break from my three times a week running habit. I figured doing yoga and lifting weights at home would be good enough for awhile, and I would use the time to hang out with my daughter instead. It was a good idea for a couple of weeks, because Caitlin and I went hiking a few times, which was great. But then we got busy, and hiking stopped happening. Consequently, I wasn't getting outside almost at all - and I felt a huge difference in my mood and attitude. Both plummeted extremely quickly. I felt short-tempered, irritated by everything, and extremely short on patience. There was absolutely no go-with-the-flow for a couple of weeks. I behaved in ways that I am now embarrassed by - to complete strangers and to people that are dear to me. Hence my last post about feeling stressed and out-of-balance.

I started running again last week - a total of one single mile last week, and so far only 2.25 miles this week - but that combined with the daily walk I am now taking on my morning break at work has caused an amazing turnaround in my mood, attitude and behavior. I feel more calm, less scattered and overwhelmed, less overworked, more able to handle everyday stressors, and more accepting of things that just a week ago seemed completely unacceptable to me. The change has been, simply put, astounding. The fact that such a small and simple change can have such a huge impact on my life is just amazing to me.

Being outside is healing, a balm to the soul and an antidote to the stress of daily life. It causes an uplift in mood, an increase in the ability to focus, and higher levels of general happiness among other things. Our connection to the natural world around us - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - is undeniable.

I am glad to be back in the land of the living - from now on I will remember how important it is to get my daily dose of Mother Nature.

Happy Wednesday - I hope you get to play outside today!

And now here's a pretty picture for your viewing pleasure.

Burn Out, Guilt, and Balance

Tired and guilty....

I feel burned out while also feeling guilty for feeling burned out. Between work, kids, house, meals, groceries, laundry, husband, social life.... I feel like I don't have a minute to myself and I'm always at least a little bit tired. But I know that that is how everyone is feeling, and I feel guilty for thinking I'm any different. I feel guilty for not accepting this burned-out feeling. I don't like it. I don't like constantly being on the go, constantly having more to do than time to do it in. I feel guilty for not being able to handle such a busy life (which compared to some people is not really that busy, but comparison is the devil). I feel like I should be able to "do it all" with grace, humor, and patience, but I can't. I don't know why. I know that this is what our American society expects of me, and I know some people thrive on being busy, but I don't, and I have to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with that.

I am craving simplicity.

I thrive on balance, and I feel like things are way out of balance right now.

My husband works constantly - he hardly takes any time off. But he also is almost completely autonomous - he can do just about whatever he wants whenever he wants (I am actually the one that makes that possible), while I am bound by working around his schedule, what my boss needs and what the kids need. I feel like that makes a big difference. He doesn't seem to have any problems with his work schedule and his sense of balance. I wonder if I were only taking care of myself, would I feel this stretched thin? Probably not.

So I'm burned out, I need a vacation, I need some time to myself on a more regular basis, and I feel guilty for all of it. I need to reorganize my thought patterns and let go of this guilt somehow. Taking care of myself - taking TIME for myself - is not something to feel guilty about. This is the only life I get, I should be living it in a way that doesn't constantly deplete my resources.

A vacation by myself at this point is out of the question. So what do I do?

I know I need more exercise, more sleep, more yoga, more creativity, more time at the beach, but I don't know how to fit all that into my already packed schedule. Something's got to give.

I feel like there has to be a way to feel more balanced, more rested and more at ease while still accomplishing everything I need to accomplish, but I haven't figured out how to do it. It just seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done and still give my time to my dear ones that need it.

Balance is the key that is missing. The guilty feeling is useless and has got to go.

Happy Monday - here's to not overworking and under-playing!

Slow It Down

I am moving slowly today.

I'm moving slowly all the time recently. I'm enjoying this immensely. I've had enough of rushing, enough of hurrying, enough of getting something done just to immediately get something else done. I've had enough of working more than I relax. Where's the fun in that? So what if the dishes don't get done or the floor goes un-vacuumed. Big deal if the laundry doesn't quite get put away (bonus points if it even makes it out of the dryer). It doesn't matter if every item on my to-do list gets done if life is passing me by while I'm busy. I'm tired of being busy. I am consciously choosing to un-busy myself.

Sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Hiking with friends and my kids. Soaking up the sunshine at the beach. Reading all cozied up in my fabulous bed. Enjoying leisurely yoga with no concern for a timeframe. Walking slooooowly to the park. Swinging high in the sky with my face tipped toward the sun. Meditation and self-reflection. Writing. Listening to music with the lights dimmed and my eyes closed. More bonus points for candles burning. Games with my daughter, who is growing up faster than I ever imagined possible. (Everyone tells you it goes by in the blink of an eye. This is true. It also seems like it will never end.) Long conversations with my husband in front of the fire. Taking naps. Drinking wine. Eating good food. Being outside as much as possible.

These are the things I'm doing instead. Life is much sweeter this way.

Happiness is a blank calendar page and the day stretching out before me.

No more over-scheduled life. No more have-to's. No more should's. All that is over. I refuse to feel guilty for not being constantly productive. I don't want to spend my life constantly working, whether it's work outside the home or within my home. It's time to relax.

Happy Friday! Go play outside!

Bedtime Songs

 I love listening to Ryan singing bedtime songs to Caitlin with her giggles accompanying him. Then, once he's done singing, she goes to bed, he closes the door – and the next thing you hear is heavy metal from behind his closed door.

A Letter to my Daughter

My Sweet Girl,

Just a few things I have learned over the years that I want to share with you.


Start saving money as soon as you start earning it (I wish I had).

Love as much as you can.  Show your love whenever you can.

Learn to forgive people, including yourself.

Learn to let go of old hurts.

Listen more than you talk.

Don't gossip.

Love.  Love.  Love.

Give everyone a chance.

Do not judge.  You never know what someone else may be going through.

Do not let people mistreat you.  Stand up for yourself.

Remember that you teach people how to treat you by how you allow them to treat you.

Never take anyone for granted, least of all yourself.

Don't forget to enjoy the small moments in life.

Unplug. Live in the moment.

Go outside whenever you can.

Practice compassion and gratitude every chance you get.

Simplify. 

Take care of your body. Your health is irreplaceable.

Don't smoke.

Appreciate what you have, don't dwell on what you think you don't have.

Love yourself. No one else is quite like you.

I love you more than words could ever express. I hope that your life will continue to be full of joy, new experiences, good people, and love.

Love,
Mom

The Good Life

I'm livin' it.

I feel so much gratitude these days, so much happiness that sometimes it's overwhelming. We live in a beautiful area in a great condo that we can actually afford, I like my job, Ryan likes his job, Esoterik Guitars is going well, Ryan and I have learned how to be beyond good to each other, things with my stepson are the best they've been since he was little (he's now 13), and things with his mother are finally peaceful. We eat extremely well, we are financially comfortable, and we have an amazing group of family and friends that are there for us whenever we need them. We are so, so lucky.

.... and then there's Caitlin.

Caitlin just amazes me every single day. She's so sweet and kind, so charming and generous and smart. She's so open to learning new things and considering ideas that challenge what she thinks is true. She continues to teach me how to be a better human being every single day.

I haven't been writing things down as much lately, so I'm going to do a little recap of some things that have been happening.

She is eight years old and in the third grade. She is an excellent student and really enjoys school. She says her third grade teacher (Mrs. Williams) and her second grade teacher (Miss Ward) are both so amazing that they are tied for first place as her favorites. When given the option to play hooky and stay home with me on occasion, she chooses to go to school. Mrs. Williams is the same teacher that Gavin had in third grade - she still has a thank you note that he wrote to her pinned up in her classroom.

Last night Caitlin decided that when she left Hamburger Town (where she lived before she was born) to come live on Earth with us, she got here through a hole in the space-time continuum. Wow!

Her current nicknames are Rollerblades, Blader-rolls, Sunshine Bear, Sweet Girl, Cait Cait Lo Bait, and Angel Pie. She calls her dad Ah-Da-Doo and me Ah-Ma-Moo. No idea why, but it's really cute.

She informed me yesterday that her style is changing from liking pink and purple clothes to a more "sporty" style with a little bit of rocker style thrown in (I approve!).

Her best friend is Annamae, and they are both thinking about switching to Teach Elementary next year for the more challenging work.

She loves to read to the point that she just bought herself a book light (blue, with an owl-shaped clip) so that she can read at night while her brother is asleep, and we frequently have to tell her to "put the book down." She likes to read while she eats.

Her current career goals include: Neuroscientist, botanist, artist, marine biologist, and entomologist.

She still likes playing with Barbies, but Hello Kitty is out, Tinkerbell is out, My Little Pony is out. She likes to play Minion Rush on the iPad, and still likes to do art and play board games. She and her friends like to make up "stations" (which I think consist of different games or toys at each one) and spend a little bit of time at each one.

Her favorite colors are currently black, blue and purple I think.

She is obsessed with hair chalk, and picks out her outfits each day very carefully. She loves to wear skirts.

I'm sure there's more I could include, but that'll all I can think of for now.

Life is so good. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Living With Intention

I have lately been thinking about how often I simply react to things without thought. The end result more often than not is negative, not positive. I am trying (when I remember) to behave more proactively, to live with intention. 

I've also noticed that I have a tendency to mentally remove myself from situations and view them as an observer (usually a snarky, cynical observer) rather than actually being in the moment and experiencing my life. I have started the practice of saying to myself "This Moment" to bring myself back, to remind myself to pay attention and not get distracted, to not insulate myself in the safety of not really being there. It is safe, to not really participate. I'm less likely to be vulnerable that way, less likely to get hurt, less likely to embarrass myself with visible emotion. I can act on autopilot.

I've become lazy about living my life.

I've become afraid to be fully present and engaged.

But that's not how I actually want to live.

I've also noticed a habit I have picked up of seeing people through a lens of cynicism, especially my husband. I've developed a tendency to assume that I know what people's motives are, and have tailored my responses around that assumption, rather than on what is actually happening or being said. This is disastrous. Who am I to say that I know what someone else's motives are? Who am I to impose my own opinion of who I think they are, or what I think they mean, rather than simply noticing and appreciating the complex, interesting, and unique individual in front of me? I'm not inside their head - the assumptions and the instant reactions to the assumptions have got to go.

I have been actively making an effort to strip away the years of mental conditioning that I have built up, and to see people with fresh eyes - a brand new perspective versus my same-old same-old point of view.  It's pretty exhilarating. I highly recommend taking your point of view and making it go all topsy-turvy. 

One frequent result of my old behaviors (which of course still exist - I am a work in progress, as we all are) was angry, frustrated reactions to things or situations that didn't really warrant anger or frustration. Unfortunately, anger and frustration all too often translate into a raised voice or a nasty tone, both of which I would prefer to eliminate from my life.

I read a blog post today that had an excellent idea for what to do once I've started down the road of negativity - telling myself to "Come Back." I don't have to continue down the road just because I started down it. I can stop and come back to where I was before.

Two phrases I am now incorporating into my life in an effort to be a human being that will be "remembered for my smile, not my scowl," a person who is "a safe haven, not someone to avoid" are "This Moment" and "Come Back."

Here is the blog post by Rachel Macy Stafford that inspired my own:

http://creativewithkids.com/two-words-that-can-bring-you-back-to-peaceful-territory/

Come back.

"Come back.
Forgive yourself.
Forgive the one who wronged you.
Decide this isn’t over.
Decide you’ve only just begun.
Lower the bar. It’s good enough for the people who love you.
Scale back. Surrender the pressure to “do it all.”
Take ten minutes to do something you love.
Take an old hand or a young hand in yours. See loving memories and future possibilities in their palms.
Whisper: “Let it be. Let it be.”
Declare: “I cannot control, so let me release.”
Turn up a good song.
Call up a good friend.
Hug the person nearest you.
Hug the person farthest out of reach.
Put something of value in someone’s empty cup.
Put something of value in your own cup.
Walk outside and spot something beautiful.
Dig inside and find something beautiful you thought was gone."

Birthday & Stuff

My daughter turned five this past weekend.  She also started kindergarten two weeks ago.  It feels like she is officially no longer a baby.  She's still my baby of course, just not a baby.

I don't know how to feel.  I don't know how to feel about anything these days, actually.  My feelings are muddled, unclear and unclean.  I need to think, to breathe, to get away and reconnect.  I need a clean slate and a clean house.  I need less to do and more freedom.  I need someone to take care of me for a change.  I need less work and more joy.  I need space to breathe and to not be told what I should be doing or feeling or saying or not saying.  I need my husband to care about something other than his business and himself.  I need my stepsons mom to stop being such an unappreciative crazy bitch.  I need to not be a stepparent anymore.  I need to be able to not feel bad about things that are beyond my control. I need my knee to not hurt when I run so that I can try to hold on to at least a little bit of sanity. 

The truth is, I don't know what I need.  Just something. 

A Little Bit of Gratitude

I am so very fortunate to live in this beautiful place where I can grow vegetables in my backyard with very little effort and take my sweet girl to the park.  We play on the swings and the play structure, she’s getting better and better at climbing the “rock wall” and playing hopscotch, and she can ride her scooter now without any assistance from me.  The weather today was so mild and pretty; it was refreshing and renewing to spend some time outside with my favorite girl.

I’ve got some spinach, strawberries, snap peas, rosemary, parsley, thyme, a cactus, and some flowers growing out back right now.  Soon I’ll be planting tomatoes as well.  I can’t wait! I love when she comes running in the house saying “Hey Mom do you think that strawberry’s ready yet?  Can I EAT IT??!!” and when she begs me give her leaves off the spinach plant.

I am fortunate to have a job, even if it’s a low-paying, low-status job – it’s also a very low-responsibility and low-stress job that allows me to stay home with my kids during the day.  I get to do all the fun daytime stuff -hiking, going to the beach, reading stories, making cookies, playing games, snuggling…. and I get to make dinner for my family almost every night.

I am so happy to come home from said job and have delicious cookies (snickerdoodles this time) to nibble on – made even better because while I have a cookie, I also get to remember how much fun it was to make them with my little one.  She did most of the pouring and mixing, and shaped at least half of the cookies in her cute little hands.  They are delicious!

Life may be challenging and tough at times, but… today was a good day.  Tomorrow I get to have another one.

Perception is Reality

These days it seems like my perception is off - in a bad way.

Instead of seeing my husband as the wonderful, loving, sweet, sexy man that he is, I have been looking at him like he's a business partner or roommate.  I know that this can happen when you've been together for a while, but I also know that the way that I look at things and people is ultimately up to me.  Time for a change.

Instead of appreciating my stepson for the hilarious, original, and creative kid that he is, I've been so frazzled by everything I have to do I find myself being overly stern and critical with him.  That has to stop.

Instead of seeing my daughter as the sweet, funny, smart, and independent girl that she is, I've been feeling like she's been a nuisance - her pleas for attention and playtime with me have been making me frustrated and short-tempered because I can't get the things done that I want to get done.  But you know what?  WHO CARES????  Who cares if the laundry doesn't get done right this second?  Who cares if the dishes sit for the night or the crumbs don't get vacuumed up?  Who cares if things fall into disarray, as long as my house is full of laughter and happiness?

I am shocked that I have allowed myself to become this apathetic about the people that I love and that I've allowed myself to take them for granted this much.  I am appalled at myself.

It seems I need to constantly remind myself how much of a blessing the people in my life are.  It seems I need to focus more on the good and make it known how much I appreciate all the blessings in my life.

Time to renew and refocus my perception.

***

Right now Caitlin is outside painting on her easel with watercolors... she just said to me "When I grow up maybe I'll be an artist."  Maybe she will.  I'm not happy about what it took for me to be home with her, but I am SO happy to be home with her.  I can't believe I ever thought daycare would be good enough.

A Simple Goal

Lately I've found myself very short-tempered and yelling at my kids WAY more than I should be. I don't know why, maybe I'm just overwhelmed (work, school, two kids, training, husband working and running his business so therefore rarely available, trying to squeeze in rare time for ME...), but it doesn't matter. There is no reason (no excuses!) for me to be taking out my frustration (or whatever it is) on my kids. So I'm setting a goal for tomorrow....

No yelling!!

No doubt this will be difficult, but I've come to the conclusion that yelling doesn't work anyway. All it does is raise my stress level, raise their stress levels, and upset everyone. Results are usually minimal, if any at all. I'm setting this goal for tomorrow in order to start small, but I'm going to re-set this goal every morning. Hopefully it will become a habit to interact calmly and peacefully.

Wish me luck!!

Perhaps visualization will work.....

1/1/11

My only New Year's Resolution this year is this:  take the parts of my life that are unsatisfying and make them better.  Every single thing that bothers me I have the capability to change - and I will. 

The first thing I am doing for this resolution is to start my training to run the Miracle Miles for Kids 10k in May.  I'm so excited to work towards this goal and hopefully raise some money for a really good cause!  Setting this goal for myself will address my dissatisfaction with my current fitness level and general health and well-being, as well as setting an excellent example for my kids.    Good stuff all around. 

Happy New Year everyone!

The Journey

I can almost grasp it.

The things that I saw, the experience that I had, and the way that I felt as I left an emotionally abusive marriage and took off on my own for the first time...

It was September 19, 2002.   My 23rd birthday.  I loaded up everything I was willing to fight for into my truck and started driving at six in the morning.  I headed through New Mexico into Arizona.  I spent three nights in Phoenix, then headed into California - back home.   I waved goodbye to the mountains with a cocky hand.  I exulted in the mesas and red dirt that I drove towards.  It was raining as I drove into Phoenix.  I cried jubilantly when I crossed the state line into California.  I almost wrecked multiple times staring out the window at the ocean.

I saw and felt so much on that journey - the beginning of my journey - that I think I relegated it to the back of my mind to be dealt with later.  It was too much.  Now, eight years later, it's beginning to resurface.  I think I will be lucky if I am ever able to put that experience into words.  I know that I will have to revisit this again. 

I was brave and confident and terrified and clueless.... and I did it.  On my own.    

Get Over it Already!

So lately I've been thinking a lot about the woman who abused my trust and put my daughter in a situation that could have killed her.  Maybe because this woman recently walked into my place of work and the mere sight of her caused me to practically have a panic attack, I don't know.  Maybe.

Anyway.  I've had a really hard time getting over the whole situation.  I can't talk about it without crying, I no longer trust my kids with anyone but family and oh maybe three friends, I still have nightmares and trouble falling asleep if it happens to cross my mind at night, things like that.  I have vivid daytime visions of car accidents while I'm driving....I've even contemplated giving up driving here and there (not seriously, but yes it has crossed my mind).  You could say I was a bit traumatized - even more so than my daughter (which I am thankful for - I NEVER want her to feel these things I'm feeling). 

I've decided to take the advice of one of my best friends and focus on the GOOD that came from the situation, instead of dwelling on the bad.  Now, this has proven to be extremely difficult for me, but I'm giving it the old college try.  I'm going to start here, by making a list of all the good things that have happened as a direct result of the car accident caused by the drunk daycare provider that miraculously did NOT kill or seriously injure my daughter or anyone else.  Here we go....in no particular order.

1.  I get to stay home with my baby.
2.  I have more time to focus on school.
3.  I have more time for myself (when I'm not chasing my three-year-old, anyway)
4.  I have more time to focus on cooking/writing/art/music/etc.
5.  I no longer work at a job I hate.
6.  I no longer commute two hours a day.
7.  I get to spend more time with my darling stepson (who just this very second told me that in life, every second counts, so make it a good second.  Smart kid!)

That's what I've got for now.  I'm trying really hard to focus on these things and move past the anger towards forgiveness.  I honestly think if forgiveness happens, it will be a miracle, but I'm going to try to get there anyway.  I can't keep carrying this around for the rest of my life.

Wish me luck!

Up Late

It's 2:25am right now and I'm (obviously) still up.  I worked until 1:15, and now, even though I'm exhausted, I'm having a difficult time shutting down for the night.   I don't really want this night to end. 

It is unseasonably warm here right now - it must be at least 75 degrees outside still - and I wish I had a comfy chair to sit in outside so I could listen to the stillness and enjoy the warm air.  The wind is blowing just every now and then.  The trees are swishing tonight. 

The quiet right now is reminding me of when I was nursing....quite frequently in those days my daughter would finish, I would put her back to bed, and then be unable to sleep.  I would stay up reading or writing or organizing something and just enjoying the different atmosphere of being the only person awake and the absolute quiet. 

I wish I had the opportunity to stay up tonight until I just can't keep my eyes open any longer....but I know that in about five and a half hours her robust little voice is going to yell "MOOOOOMMM!!!" at an amazingly high decibel, and I will stumble out of bed to her room, get her out of bed, on the potty, then downstairs where I will say baby mommy really really needs to make coffee right now please play for just a few minutes.  And she'll say but mommy I want you! with that look on her face and maybe if I'm lucky she will be still and just let me hold her for a few minutes before we start going at the speed of light. 

I Hold A Grudge

I try not to.  No, really, I do try.  However, I haven't yet mastered the art of forgiveness.  In the back of my mind, there is always a voice that whispers.....they did it once, how do you know they're not going to do it again?  Once trust is lost, it is almost impossible for me to find it again. 
I marvel at people who can just forgive and move on.  I envy those who can welcome back with open arms a loved one who has broken a promise or disappointed them in some way.  They must know something I don't.  Maybe they've had more practice at forgiveness than I have.  I can't seem to get the knack for it.  I hold a grudge. 

I'm not doing so well with selflessness and calm today.  One little bitty broken promise - not even something all that important - and I snapped.   I yelled.  I almost cried.  It is such a small thing - but I'm so tired of hearing the same thing over and over and over and then....nothing.  Denial that such a promise was ever made.  Justification and excuses.  Now I feel like this persons word is worthless.  Again.  Why do I keep giving chances?  I don't know what to do about this anymore. 

I want to shrug my shoulders and not care, but I can't. 

What do I do?  How in the world am I supposed to believe anything that is said?  I hate this feeling. 

So much on my mind these days it's hard to sort any of it out.  I don't know what to think.

This post probably doesn't make much sense, but that's ok.  This one's for me.

Take A Moment

Sometimes things just get better.  I've done nothing to warrant the recent influx of good in my life, but it's there nonetheless.  All I can do it be grateful.

Overcome Yourself

I have found that many people are held back from their goals by perceived obstacles as opposed to truly insurmountable ones.  I personally have made it a life goal to seek ways to eliminate each and every obstacle, usually by just changing my thinking, being open to possibility, and making it happen.  Granted, there are some things that just cannot be changed, but it seems that most obstacles in life CAN be overcome if you have the right mindset. 

I challenge you to be honest with yourself about your biggest obstacle in your life right now.  How are you sabatoging yourself just by the way you are thinking?  Perception is reality - fortunately, we all have the power to change our perception and our reality. 

First, see the obstacle in your mind as a challenge that you GET to tackle, instead of a problem that you HAVE to figure out.  Think of all the things that are stopping you from succeeding at that challenge - then throw them away.  Find a way to make it happen.  If I can do it (and I have and continue to), anyone can! If you think back on the last five years in your life, you will probably find examples of times that you already have done this, without even realizing it.  Don't let excuses hold you back - a small change in the way you think can help you eliminate even the most ingrained excuse and seemingly insurmountable challenge. 

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.  Make that first step a mental one and see the rewards for yourself.

Go!

P.S. There are so many strong people in my life that I admire for perservering, overcoming obstacles, meeting challenges, and just overall making it happen. I am so blessed for having such great examples to follow! I am even more fortunate in the fact that my husband is one of them! Mom and Dad, Margaret, Erin, Nicki, Susan, Matt, Lisa, pretty much everyone in my family... Kelly, Tanna.... I could go on. You all rock!