Remember This

I just sat on the couch and did nothing but hold my daughter and listen to music for half an hour.

I needed that. We both did.

Nature and Mental Wellness

I just went for a 20 minute walk and it was wonderful. It's a beautiful day outside - the sun is shining, the weather is mild and the air is sweet, flowers are blooming, and it felt good just to be outside and moving.

I forget sometimes just how good being outside can be for a person's mental health. I forget sometimes how good physical exercise is for a person's mental health.

Recently I took a break from my three times a week running habit. I figured doing yoga and lifting weights at home would be good enough for awhile, and I would use the time to hang out with my daughter instead. It was a good idea for a couple of weeks, because Caitlin and I went hiking a few times, which was great. But then we got busy, and hiking stopped happening. Consequently, I wasn't getting outside almost at all - and I felt a huge difference in my mood and attitude. Both plummeted extremely quickly. I felt short-tempered, irritated by everything, and extremely short on patience. There was absolutely no go-with-the-flow for a couple of weeks. I behaved in ways that I am now embarrassed by - to complete strangers and to people that are dear to me. Hence my last post about feeling stressed and out-of-balance.

I started running again last week - a total of one single mile last week, and so far only 2.25 miles this week - but that combined with the daily walk I am now taking on my morning break at work has caused an amazing turnaround in my mood, attitude and behavior. I feel more calm, less scattered and overwhelmed, less overworked, more able to handle everyday stressors, and more accepting of things that just a week ago seemed completely unacceptable to me. The change has been, simply put, astounding. The fact that such a small and simple change can have such a huge impact on my life is just amazing to me.

Being outside is healing, a balm to the soul and an antidote to the stress of daily life. It causes an uplift in mood, an increase in the ability to focus, and higher levels of general happiness among other things. Our connection to the natural world around us - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual - is undeniable.

I am glad to be back in the land of the living - from now on I will remember how important it is to get my daily dose of Mother Nature.

Happy Wednesday - I hope you get to play outside today!

And now here's a pretty picture for your viewing pleasure.

Slow It Down

I am moving slowly today.

I'm moving slowly all the time recently. I'm enjoying this immensely. I've had enough of rushing, enough of hurrying, enough of getting something done just to immediately get something else done. I've had enough of working more than I relax. Where's the fun in that? So what if the dishes don't get done or the floor goes un-vacuumed. Big deal if the laundry doesn't quite get put away (bonus points if it even makes it out of the dryer). It doesn't matter if every item on my to-do list gets done if life is passing me by while I'm busy. I'm tired of being busy. I am consciously choosing to un-busy myself.

Sitting on the couch watching Netflix. Hiking with friends and my kids. Soaking up the sunshine at the beach. Reading all cozied up in my fabulous bed. Enjoying leisurely yoga with no concern for a timeframe. Walking slooooowly to the park. Swinging high in the sky with my face tipped toward the sun. Meditation and self-reflection. Writing. Listening to music with the lights dimmed and my eyes closed. More bonus points for candles burning. Games with my daughter, who is growing up faster than I ever imagined possible. (Everyone tells you it goes by in the blink of an eye. This is true. It also seems like it will never end.) Long conversations with my husband in front of the fire. Taking naps. Drinking wine. Eating good food. Being outside as much as possible.

These are the things I'm doing instead. Life is much sweeter this way.

Happiness is a blank calendar page and the day stretching out before me.

No more over-scheduled life. No more have-to's. No more should's. All that is over. I refuse to feel guilty for not being constantly productive. I don't want to spend my life constantly working, whether it's work outside the home or within my home. It's time to relax.

Happy Friday! Go play outside!

Bedtime Songs

 I love listening to Ryan singing bedtime songs to Caitlin with her giggles accompanying him. Then, once he's done singing, she goes to bed, he closes the door – and the next thing you hear is heavy metal from behind his closed door.

A Letter to my Daughter

My Sweet Girl,

Just a few things I have learned over the years that I want to share with you.


Start saving money as soon as you start earning it (I wish I had).

Love as much as you can.  Show your love whenever you can.

Learn to forgive people, including yourself.

Learn to let go of old hurts.

Listen more than you talk.

Don't gossip.

Love.  Love.  Love.

Give everyone a chance.

Do not judge.  You never know what someone else may be going through.

Do not let people mistreat you.  Stand up for yourself.

Remember that you teach people how to treat you by how you allow them to treat you.

Never take anyone for granted, least of all yourself.

Don't forget to enjoy the small moments in life.

Unplug. Live in the moment.

Go outside whenever you can.

Practice compassion and gratitude every chance you get.

Simplify. 

Take care of your body. Your health is irreplaceable.

Don't smoke.

Appreciate what you have, don't dwell on what you think you don't have.

Love yourself. No one else is quite like you.

I love you more than words could ever express. I hope that your life will continue to be full of joy, new experiences, good people, and love.

Love,
Mom

The Good Life

I'm livin' it.

I feel so much gratitude these days, so much happiness that sometimes it's overwhelming. We live in a beautiful area in a great condo that we can actually afford, I like my job, Ryan likes his job, Esoterik Guitars is going well, Ryan and I have learned how to be beyond good to each other, things with my stepson are the best they've been since he was little (he's now 13), and things with his mother are finally peaceful. We eat extremely well, we are financially comfortable, and we have an amazing group of family and friends that are there for us whenever we need them. We are so, so lucky.

.... and then there's Caitlin.

Caitlin just amazes me every single day. She's so sweet and kind, so charming and generous and smart. She's so open to learning new things and considering ideas that challenge what she thinks is true. She continues to teach me how to be a better human being every single day.

I haven't been writing things down as much lately, so I'm going to do a little recap of some things that have been happening.

She is eight years old and in the third grade. She is an excellent student and really enjoys school. She says her third grade teacher (Mrs. Williams) and her second grade teacher (Miss Ward) are both so amazing that they are tied for first place as her favorites. When given the option to play hooky and stay home with me on occasion, she chooses to go to school. Mrs. Williams is the same teacher that Gavin had in third grade - she still has a thank you note that he wrote to her pinned up in her classroom.

Last night Caitlin decided that when she left Hamburger Town (where she lived before she was born) to come live on Earth with us, she got here through a hole in the space-time continuum. Wow!

Her current nicknames are Rollerblades, Blader-rolls, Sunshine Bear, Sweet Girl, Cait Cait Lo Bait, and Angel Pie. She calls her dad Ah-Da-Doo and me Ah-Ma-Moo. No idea why, but it's really cute.

She informed me yesterday that her style is changing from liking pink and purple clothes to a more "sporty" style with a little bit of rocker style thrown in (I approve!).

Her best friend is Annamae, and they are both thinking about switching to Teach Elementary next year for the more challenging work.

She loves to read to the point that she just bought herself a book light (blue, with an owl-shaped clip) so that she can read at night while her brother is asleep, and we frequently have to tell her to "put the book down." She likes to read while she eats.

Her current career goals include: Neuroscientist, botanist, artist, marine biologist, and entomologist.

She still likes playing with Barbies, but Hello Kitty is out, Tinkerbell is out, My Little Pony is out. She likes to play Minion Rush on the iPad, and still likes to do art and play board games. She and her friends like to make up "stations" (which I think consist of different games or toys at each one) and spend a little bit of time at each one.

Her favorite colors are currently black, blue and purple I think.

She is obsessed with hair chalk, and picks out her outfits each day very carefully. She loves to wear skirts.

I'm sure there's more I could include, but that'll all I can think of for now.

Life is so good. The future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Mommy Daughter Night

Last night Caitlin and I had a Mommy-Daughter Night.   

I put my phone away.  I turned off the computer and the TV.  It felt weird to be so in the moment with no electronic distractions.  To me, that is something of a wake up call about my dependence on technology.  I have been slowly reducing my use of it, but the habit ("need") is still strong.  I will change this. 

We started with a game of Battleship, which I won by a narrow margin (I'm pretty sure she peeked at my side, the little stinker). 

After Battleship, we busted out some art supplies and got to work.  I used crayons to color a picture of a giant crescent moon (with a very happy face, of course) in the night sky next to a unicorn.  I made her horn, mane and tail multicolored, and the moon blue.  Caitlin made a book with four pages:  the title page (I Love You, by Caitlin), I love my mommy, I love my daddy, and I love Gavin.  Illustrated, of course.  We listened to Pink Floyd "Animals" while we did our art.  I had forgotten the simple joy of doing something artistic and completely unstructured while listening to music.  It was freeing.  I imagined I could feel my brain cells moving in completely different ways than usual.  I loved it.

Then we played a game with these new, tiny little figures that she had picked up that day with Nana.  I don't know what they are called, but they came in tiny little balls.  Caitlin lined up the figures on the edge of a book, set another book in front of them as a "stage", and put on a show for them that consisted of bouncing the empty balls around on the stage.  One minute of our time equaled an hour for the tiny people and animals.

We then watched Kronk's New Groove, had popcorn and pumpkin bars, and snuggled on the couch.  After brushing our teeth, we snuggled in my bed, read a story (Bad Kitty and Poor Puppy), and went to sleep.  Not the best night of sleep I've ever had (she is a restless sleeper!), but it was nice to wake up with my little girl snuggled up next to me.  Daddy was kind enough to switch beds with her so that we could have our sleepover.

Once again, this amazing girl has opened my eyes to wonderful things I completely miss when left to my own devices.  She inspired me and reminded me of the beauty inherent in the simple things.  I am grateful to have such an amazing tiny teacher.

Dreams and Such

Every night that I'm home to put Caitlin to bed we decide what we're going to dream about that night.  We've met up at the beach and gotten ice cream, we've gone flying (sans airplane) to Paris where we could eat any food we wanted and it would be healthy for us, and gone diving to the bottom of the ocean like mermaids.

Tonight she said we were going to go to a rainbow and find the pot of gold at the end.... and give the gold to poor people so they wouldn't be poor anymore.  I am madly in love with this child. 

We have this thing we do right now where one of us will squeeze the other ones hand three times saying "snuggle snuggle snuggle", and the other will do it back.  Our hands are snuggling.

I love how such little things can create such big happiness.

A Little Bit of Gratitude

I am so very fortunate to live in this beautiful place where I can grow vegetables in my backyard with very little effort and take my sweet girl to the park.  We play on the swings and the play structure, she’s getting better and better at climbing the “rock wall” and playing hopscotch, and she can ride her scooter now without any assistance from me.  The weather today was so mild and pretty; it was refreshing and renewing to spend some time outside with my favorite girl.

I’ve got some spinach, strawberries, snap peas, rosemary, parsley, thyme, a cactus, and some flowers growing out back right now.  Soon I’ll be planting tomatoes as well.  I can’t wait! I love when she comes running in the house saying “Hey Mom do you think that strawberry’s ready yet?  Can I EAT IT??!!” and when she begs me give her leaves off the spinach plant.

I am fortunate to have a job, even if it’s a low-paying, low-status job – it’s also a very low-responsibility and low-stress job that allows me to stay home with my kids during the day.  I get to do all the fun daytime stuff -hiking, going to the beach, reading stories, making cookies, playing games, snuggling…. and I get to make dinner for my family almost every night.

I am so happy to come home from said job and have delicious cookies (snickerdoodles this time) to nibble on – made even better because while I have a cookie, I also get to remember how much fun it was to make them with my little one.  She did most of the pouring and mixing, and shaped at least half of the cookies in her cute little hands.  They are delicious!

Life may be challenging and tough at times, but… today was a good day.  Tomorrow I get to have another one.